Good Grief?

Hello All,

I want to spend a moment reflecting on the process of grief.  I think that this subject is taboo for most, or maybe just uncomfortable to say the least.  Why do we struggle so hard with the subject of death and dying? I would like to propose just a few reflections on the subject. I have to say, that I am not a counselor or expert on the subject. But I have my own experiences with this process and these insights come from my heart:

1. FEAR. 
Whether we realize it or not, most of us are driven by fear in one way or another.  Afraid to lose a job under the threats of a demanding boss.  Afraid to lose a relationship when arguments increase and acts of love decrease. Afraid of getting older, possibly falling ill. And most of all, afraid of death.   Fear can become a major orchestrator of our lives, like a puppet master tugging on our strings making us dance around all of these situations.  And I can assure you that any decisions we make based on fear usually result in more disastrous occurrences.  I know that you are thinking right now, I am not Afraid of anything.  Fear does not have any place in my life.  That is not me...

But, Fear can disguise itself as many other emotions: Jealousy, Resentment, Anger, Worry, Doubt, Low Esteem, and sometimes even Grief.

I am not saying that all Grief is Fear but you have to ask yourself:

If the person that has passed on was terminally ill, and suffering a painful life, and received a graceful death. Shouldn't we find relief that they are no longer in a state of agony or struggle?

If the person lived a full life accomplishing many of their life's goals all while watching two or three (maybe even four) generations be born, develop, and grow. Shouldn't we value that life and those accomplishments a lot more than show concern about their death?

If a person is taken away, just too soon or unexpectedly, it is tough. But if you believe in divine presence and that each person has a soul (or true essence) that never dies it is understandable that some times we cannot know what agreements were made for that person's life or what lessons there were to learn or the message they were sent to bring. And the universe does not operate in time so although their time for us was too short, perhaps they did exactly what they were suppose to do. (Like the tv show, Quantum Leap, maybe they move on to their next mission.)

 Which brings me to my second point...


2. FAITH
Faith is the opposite of Fear.  You cannot be in a state of fear or any of its aliases and have Faith.

Faith lets you know that as long as you are doing your best work, you will not be fired.  And if you are fired, you are capable of finding another job (usually a better one). Or it may be time for you to take your skills and knowledge and start your own business where you become your own boss.

Faith also lets you know that the person you have chosen to love, really loves you too. And it is your choice to display and expand that love or withdraw your contract and move on.  But in moving on, if you experience the same fear in a new relationship, it too, will also fade away because it has no faith to restore and re-ignite when the flames as they die down.  Faith fans the flames.

Faith also supports us as we get older, come up against any illnesses or physical weaknesses, and most importantly when we die.  Which will happen to each one of us, one day.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news...

But here is some good news:  

Knowing all of this, do we choose to live our lives in Fear or by Faith?  Do we start making decisions for ourselves, or continue to be a puppet in other people's play? Do we choose only love in our life experiences, and only choose relationships with others that resonate at the same high frequency of supreme love?  By choosing love, we live on a vibration of vitality, good health, and longevity and lead a long life filled with many pleasurable moments. This is what is meant by free will.  We have the right to choose the kind of life we will have.  If we can release the Fear it is in that moment that we truly start living. We can choose to only grieve the death of our loved ones that have moved on or cherish the life they had and the true essence that remains for ever connected to us. 

But I will say it is fine to miss them. It is fine to cry. Sadness is a cleansing emotion when expressed properly.  It is even fine to want them back.  But know that they have moved on but we have not.  We still have work to do and a life to live.  So please...take as long as you need to grieve. You may never truly stop grieving the loss of someone closely connected to you. But the beauty is you do not have to.  They are still right there, if you allow them to be.

Namaste'
TJ

I have attached a poem that I have written in celebration of Mattie L. Ridley, Catherine Loveday, and Lydia Barashango. You have taught me the meaning of the word --- Beauty.

Beauty

As I look for inspiration...

Let me find Beauty.

Smiling faces even in the darkest places

And stories of triumph after weathering the toughest storm.

Tales of endurance, hearts of gold, and joyful spirits, performing daily miracles.

As I search for words...

Let me choose Beauty.

Each single word a perfectly polished pearl along a string that rest,

nested upon necklines.

The finest hand-crafted thoughts

Behold! The power contained there in.

The most prized possession for a creative mind giving a gift back to an infinite sea of space and of time.

As I take this pen in my hand...

Let me write Beauty.

And let the words reach beneath the tear-stained glass of my reader's eyes.

To find the precious space where only joy resides

Deep Inside – where the truth lies and at times the soul likes to hide.

As I grab this book to read...

Let me speak Beauty

And let the sound of my voice soothe and move beyond barricades of brick walls built up around my listener's ear

To find the open space where unlimited potential dwells, immune to all fear

A never ending well of questions packaged with answers you can audibly hear

A place where the mind remembers each lesson learned along the way and offers many stories to tell, so clear.

As I think of the many women that have come before me...

I know Beauty

So strong. So brave.

Full of Light. Filled with Love

Spiritual Warriors fighting relentlessly for grace and mercy

until their journey reached and soul's work complete.

Your presences are not to be missed

For each true essence will forever exist.

Bonded by truth, yet free by faith.

I hope to take my place among you, some day

Becoming one with Beauty

written by Tiffany Johnson August 12, 2011